Experiencing loss is one of the most challenging feats we face as humans. To physically lose another human's energy is well, heartbreaking. The pain we feel through our emotions is one that we sometimes don't know how to process. But I'm not here today to talk about the death of loved ones. I am here to talk about how to accept moving on from someone who just isn't meant to be in your life anymore.
Have you ever heard the phrase "People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do"? Well when I heard this quote for the first time, I couldn't believe how relatable it was. To have a phrase resonate so well, it makes so much of your past make sense, well that's one powerful saying!! Let me break it down a little better for you!
Imagine having a best friend, someone that you met when you were just a toddler. You two grew up together! From diapers, to swim lessons, to playing sports, school dances, and so on, you two are inseparable. You have planned your futures and there isn't one step that doesn't include the other one. It seems as if nothing in the world could ever tear you apart. You've shared every secret imaginable and even the little fights would never change things. Now I understand that a lot of you reading this probably have experienced this type of friendship! No one gets you like they do and no one can make you feel more safe than them.
Years go by and you're about to graduate college. Now the two of you had this moment planned since you could talk, right? But something happens. Different colleges happens. There are tears and sadness but ultimately, you two make a pact to not let this distance interfere. You're CERTAIN that nothing could change your relationship and that much was certain. Again, time goes by and the visits get less and less until you aren't quite sure how much time has passed since you've seen one another. You feel guilty, as if you could have done something different to change the outcome of this. But the reality is, growth was bound to happen and that growth would've never happened if that friendship hadn't gotten you to this very point in life. They taught you trust, friendship, happiness, and so much more!
This person simply was there for a reason and that reason, well to each their own. Just know that they served their purpose. I'm not saying that you never talk to them again. But you realize that things change, you change, we all have to grow through what we go through. You never fully lose that person, but you understand that the friendship had to change just as each of your lives have changed. Now, let's move onto those who are only there for a season..
You're in your early 20's, still trying to figure out life as well as enjoy the ride along the way. Dating is one of those things that either clicks right away, or takes a little more trial and error before you can get it right. Each individual we date, yep you guessed it, has a purpose! We learn a lesson, no matter how big or small, from each person we spend time with intimately. Some may bring us a little more heartache and struggle to get over, but there is something to take away from each relationship.
Picture moving to a new city after college. You are ready for adventure, excitement and new people! Being a little more on the social side, it wasn't too hard to meet people in this new environment, and before you know it, you have met a love interest. Dates, nights out, cooking dinners, sleepovers, it was simple and fun. The honeymoon phase is sort of like the make-or-break phase in a relationship; almost like blinders are on before you begin to see their true colors. You are at a point in your life that you feel if you found someone compatible, you'd be ready to take the next step. So you begin to think highly of this current dating situation, secretly hoping it will progress into something more. Until you world comes shattering down and you find out that you are not the only one on their mind. Yep, you guessed it, they cheated.
You feel betrayed. Unable to feel like you will ever trust someone again, you fight for this person. Not wanting to just let go of what you have yearned for for some time. More tears and pain are to come because holding onto the way a memory made us feel, is sometimes enough to fog our judgement in the. moment. Not really ever taking a moment to stop and think that things can never be the same now, you just want to go back. But as time passes and you begin to heal, you start to recognize all the pros and cons of that person and the relationship. How certain things made you feel means you are learning what you deserve from someone. Seeing how they listen to you when you talk about your passions, shows you what type of open minded person you need as a significant other. All of a sudden, it's like you now begin to see more of your type and maybe that influences how you date moving forward.
Regardless of what you learned, you can now see that that person was simply in your life for a season. To show you a little more of what you do and don't like or maybe what you do or don't deserve. Never let a person bring you regret because you know now that you learned something, no matter the size of the lesson.
I don't feel that I need to discuss much about the LIFETIME people we meet but here's a small anecdote of my own. My best friend, Nikki and I, met in middle school. We weren't best friends at the time, just neighbors and then eventually would carpool to school together. She is a year younger than me so we were in different grades. For years, we sat in the car on the way to and from school, sharing secrets, stories and so much more. We went off to different colleges but we always kept in touch. The summer that my best friend Catherine died, Nikki was in the middle of a difficult family situation. We connected through pain and here we are, 13 years later, living in sunny Florida together, following our dreams! She is here for a lifetime.
You might be asking yourself, what is this about... Well here it goes. You don't have total control over how a relationship will turn out. All you can do is be UNAPOLOGETICALLY you, always tell others you love them, and don't be afraid to try something new. People will come and go, but those who stay, won't ever make you question it. Take each relationship for what it is worth in YOUR life and remember that there are no coincidences in life, only reasons.